The worst things in life come free to us

I think I should post something special sometimes. I'm always just telling about my day. But I think I should write about these last few days.

I've been with my friends, again. Yesterday I visited one of my school mates and she has a cute little donkey. :D And horses and sheep and dogs etc.

But as you might've noticed I don't make my blog challenge really often and in the actual order but now I'm skipping challenges to challenge 16 - My future

1 - Introduce yourself
2 – My hobby
3 –  What I ate today
4 – What is love?
5 – My day
6 – My best friends
7 – Today's outfit
8– What's in my purse?
9 – One of my dreams
10 – One of my good memories
11 – What I'm regretting?
12 – This upsets me
13 – This brightens my day
14 – This makes me cry
15 – I'm afraid of
16 – My future
17 – On my playlist
18 – My make-up routine

Right now I'm in comprehensive/primary school, (I guess it's kinda the same as high school in the U.S.A.) moving to ninth and last grade. I'll try to do my best in school next year because I'm trying to get to musical high school after ninth grade. I don't know should I call it musical senior high school? But anyway. I won't be a musician but music is something bigger to me than for most so that's what I love to do and that's why I want to get to school where I can learn as much about music as possible. And at the same time go to high school.

I haven't decided yet what I want to be or do when I grow up. Maybe I would be happiest as a music teacher in primary school. But I know that I could have much more money if I went to law school. And most of all I want to show everyone that I can be anything I want, no matter how much it takes. But is it wrong to hide the only passion you have just to show off? I don't know. But of course, I just want to be happy. 

I'd like to live in a big city, maybe in the Europe, maybe in the U.S.A. when I'm still young. But when I'm older I want to live in a peaceful and nice neighborhood in the U.S.A. But when I'm 50 I want to move back to Finland. These are quite big dreams, and language can be a problem.

I still have to return to the music thing - to most people music is a nice rhythm, lyrics that fit to your mood, a good singer and a nice melody that stucks into your mind. That's great, but for me it's just so much more. For me sheet music is a picture, a story that goes through my head and turns into music. It's wonderful. It's not just the piano I love to play, I love to play everything. I'd like to play every instrument well. I'd like to lead a symphony orchestra. I'd like to be in a band. I'd like to make the music loud, powerful and also quiet, tender and still strong. Something beautiful, because music makes us see, feel, move and sit down for a while. Music is really a part of my life, and when I think which one is the controlling part, me or the music, it's clear that music controls me. And I appreciate everyone that plays an instrument, no matter what they play.

Essence left my heart tonight

Cool wheelbarrow

So some yesterday's outfit there. Nothing special. 
I just came here to write again what I've done but I realized that nothing has happened.
Why can't I stop time while I'm sleeping? No hours would be wasted for waiting, resting or crying.

And I come alive whenever I hear your voice saying my name

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of folks

So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me
It's been a while since I wrote last time.
I have met friends and everything is fine but I've had some troubles controlling myself again.My friends are awesome and I couldn't ask for anything better and I'm so thankful for my life but still I've cried myself to sleep several times lately. Pretty much for insecurity, I'm questioning existence. I'm afraid that everything I have is false or illusion, and one day I will lose everything.
 I've also cried because of my mother. I haven't seen her as an adult or my mother for a long long time. I really mean a long time. And I wish that I had grown up so much that I wouldn't need a mother but the thing that makes me cry is that I do need someone as a person who trusts me, stands behind me to support me and when I fail she'd be the one I can turn around to. Someone who is proud of me an want's me to go bravely ahead in my life. Not someone who is holding me back, questioning me and trying to use me. Not someone who makes me cry and wonder which one of us is the adult.

Am I really always using those same clothes when I'm photographing..?

Today I apologize for wasting my holiday.
But today I don't really know what I'm gonna do. Tomorrow I'm going shopping because I should find a birthday gift to my friend. :) <3 And ofc I need stuff too. I'd like to find a tote bag and  black thights with flowers or something. And shorts maybe.

something like these would be nice

And I have to say that I love it when I'm standing in front of the mirror, and my best male friend comes behind me and says "You're beautiful."

I'm a definite no

There's a feelin' that I get from nothin' else
And there ain't nothin' in the world
That makes me go, go, go, go, go, go, go
Turn the power up

I've waited for so long so I could hear my favorite song
So let's go, go, go, go, go, go, go
When it's like this I feel the music shootin' through me
There's nothin' else that I would rather do

Twisted Sister - I wanna rock

She's a dwelling place for demons
She's a cage for every unclean spirit, every filthy bird
And makes us drink the poisoned wine to fornicating with our kings
Fallen now is Babylon the great

Avenged Sevenfold - Beast and the harlot

Today's outfit - sorry I had to edit my face :D

They say that life is short, forgive quickly so nothing is left undone because of hate. Then they say, stay true to you. Should we all just live in a lie, life based on buried self-respect and pain?

Today I apologize for forgiving too often.

Praying that the sun would never rise

Hello. Well I guess I should start again by telling what I've done in last few days. (:

Actually I've been just hanging around with my friends. We watched The Exorcist yesterday and I laughed so much because it just sucks. :D And we planned parties and stuff again.

And our summer cottage's walls are half done. (: I've swimmed there a lot, it's nice to have own shore.

But today I went shopping with one friend. (: It was great to see her again, and down there are pics of clothes I bought.

A hat from Carlings

Thights from Seppälä

T-shirt from Carlings

Today I apologize for not being there for people who are always there for me.

I've totally forgot my blog challenge. :D

Maybe once we'll find the place where our dreams and reality collide

Hi (: Yesterday was very chill, today I'd like to actually do something. :D

Today when I woke up I got a sleep paralysis. I felt like I couldn't breathe well and I realized I just couldn't move or even breathe any deeper. I laid there for a while and started to panic but suddenly I could move and breathe and talk again. I don't even remember how did I get back to normal, it just happened.
Then I came here to spend time with my dear dear dear computer and I trained So far away - A7x guitar solos.
I went to movies with my friends one day I don't remember when to watch Rock of Ages, it was great.

over-edited..? :D

A friend took this, it's weird how it seems that I'm always sitting on the floor

And I was wondering, what is the point in falling in love and dating someone if you already know that you aren't going to spend the rest of your life with him/her? It's like a suicide for your heart, someone's going to get hurt anyway if you know it can't last.

Today I apologize for being so blind.

Kryptonite

MY MIND IS EXPLODING. I don't know what's wrong with my blog but my pictures are disabled and I can't get them back any other way than downloading them all over again which I'm not going to do.


I have done everything unnecessary lately. Except that I visited my brother, his gf and his son in Kuopio. I didn't really have time for shopping so I only bought one shirt from H&M but I don't have a picture of it. But it's not special so whatever.


I hate it when I feel like time is running out through these pointless and dead days. I feel useless.

Late midsummer photo

I tried some macro shooting

I miss people so much. 

If I go crazy then will you still 
Call me Superman 
If I'm alive and well, will you be 
There holding my hand 
I'll keep you by my side with 
My superhuman might 
Kryptonite